All through elementary school, I was known as the girl that would believe anything. They’d call be gullible, obviously it wasn’t meant to offend me because it was true. I would believe anything.. I think the reason for this was probably because I trusted people in a way no one does anymore. I had faith they wouldn’t lie to me or tell me something that isn’t true for their benefit. I wasn’t aware of all the deceit pain and anger people cause other people simply to benefit them. Growing up not being exposed to these lies, naturally I believed people were good and not hurtful. Now that I am 22 and being exposed to all the lies and deceit over the years from friends, family and boyfriends, its taught me not to be gullible. Now, I believe no one about anything nor trust people in general. I know it makes me sound negative and like I have something against the universe, but it really has benefited me. Not trusting people easily and expecting the worst out of people has shown me there might be some people worth trusting. Although I’m making myself sound like the victim.. I’m not. I’ve done some equally deceitful and horrible things to people I love and care about as well without thinking of the consequences.
In no way I am proud of these weak and horrible moments in my life. But I have come to embrace the fact that sometimes people do horrible things not just for their benefit but also because they want to help the other person. Like telling your girlfriend she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Or telling your mom the food she made after a long day is the best thing you’ve ever had. Although its lying to them, the fact that you love them is the main reason you did it. I think being deceitful or being on the other end of it teaches us that the world isn’t a happy place. Life is not easy or simple. Its hard, challenging and painful in the worst way imaginable. But its important to remember sometimes the hard truth might be a little better than the lying and the deceit you cause another being.
Lux in Tenebris 